I asked only for the ability to be respected. I asked only that my son go to bed at a decent hour so, I too, could rest over the weekend. My son asked to use the computer. I said, in return for the use of the computer, he must go to bed at 11pm. We agreed to the arrangement. But, at 11pm, he reneged on the deal. I took my computer and turned the tv off and asked him to go to bed. He yelled insults and called me names that would embarrass a sailor. I found him on the floor this morning with the tv on. He had fallen asleep there after he had snuck back downstairs.
I emailed his dad. We had a brief conversation that he does not have this issue at his home. That our son does not treat him and his girlfriend that way. Then he asked what I had done to make our son mad. I explained the issue, and I asked that when I drop him off, to please stay a moment and talk with me and help me parent our son together. I did not get an answer, but, he got the email.
When we arrived, my son and I, at the drop off point…..I got out of my car to talk with his father. My son was upset that I would do this. But, this needed to be resolved. This disrespect had gone on far too long. He did indeed turn to our son, seated in the pickup now, and explained to him that he would not call me names and insult me and follow the rules in my home. And then he turned to me, and did just exactly what he told our son not to do. He began yelling at me about past things that had occurred since the divorce. Things that happened four years ago. I returned his attention to the topic. He informed me that he had dealt with it and proceeded to insult and yell at me. So much for teaching our son how to respect the mom. So, in a matter of ten minutes, he taught him……”Don’t yell at mom, so I can!” He yelled at me about my mother, he yelled at me for him not being allowed on my property and he yelled at me for God knows what else. I tuned out. I was holding back tears and I was not going to go backwards in my healing process. He was not going to do this anymore.
I had enough and I left. But as he was pulling out, I was looking for a tissue. I turned down the music and pulled onto the highway…….and a very good friends advice came to me. “Terri, you can’t change who he is. You can only change how YOU react to what he does. Take a deep breath and take care of you.” And I did. I wiped my nose, and the tears stopped and I did not fester on the pain he had just caused me. I calmed down my big girl panties. They had been quaking and shaking, and I made it home safe to Max. He was still looking for the baseball my son had thrown on the hill.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Terri-Louise/254766441285389 come “Like” my author’s page.
http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Girlfriends-Diaries-Damaged-ebook/dp/B004SD01EA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1334551349&sr=8-2 My first book. It hit #5 in divorce section on Saturday the 14th! That was way cool!!! Talk about raising my blood pressure!